Krampusnacht

I received my Krampus Box from Creeper Crate yesterday and I couldn't wait to write this.  This month's crate seemed a little light at first, but upon further inspection I saw that the items in here were few but very impressive.  While I'd gotten spoiled by the pins from Demonic Pinfestation being a regular part of these boxes, I found that this month didn't suffer from their absence.  Had there been a pin I wouldn't be able to write this because I'd need to be pealed off of the floor.

(Which reminds me, I need to grab a Love Witch bundle while they're still available.)

"Dear Disobedient Creep..."

Like a holiday greeting from Hell, this fun card was the first thing in the box.  It's got some great artwork, either directly from or inspired by the film Krampus.  I don't really have anything pithy to say about it.  It pretty well speaks for itself.

 Merry Krampus Shower Steamers from Glitter Gore Bath
 
These shower steamers smell AMAZING.  I drank a fair amount of whiskey last night, so when I woke up and finally got around to getting into the shower I'd forgotten all about them.  I've never regretted anything more in my life, today.  These will happen tomorrow morning.  Assuming the eggnog doesn't kick my ass tonight.  It's taken me 20 minutes just to manage to type this segment.

Krampistachio Tea from Brutaliteas

I haven't tried this yet, but I like pistachios. I like tea.  If I can add milk to it it'll be perfect.

 Krampus's Bell
This replica bell from the film is freaking awesome.  Right away I decided it needed to be on our Christmas tree.  I don't normally like having a tree but I do it for the sake of my four year old.  If I've got to bow to societal pressure to adhere to holiday customs then at least I can have a reminder of the darker traditions.  Luckily I have a million pounds of red yarn to turn whatever catches my fancy into ornaments.

Krampus can not be bribed.

I don't know if special plates just for cookies for Santa existed when I was a kid, but the tradition is old at least.  But if you're a miserable curmudgeon who probably deserves to be thrown into a bag and beaten with a stick, perhaps you can dampen the dark fury of the Krampus with some cookies and milk.  Probably not.  You'll probably just piss him off. 

I never thought I'd be the type of person who has decorative plates on little easels, but here I am.  It's a crazy world I tell you!

I'm missing out on January's Overlook Hotel Crate next month due to excess poverty, and the hope that there will be leftover Yule boxes from Magick & Macabre.  I should be back on track for March, and with luck I'll be able to grab February's Occult Box from Creeper Crate as well.  The Occult Box is a separate subscription from the usual Creeper Crate, with themes that are more...well, occult.  Less horror pop-culture, more supernatural and witchy.  I'm missing out on their Ouija theme for January, but hope to be on board from their "Live Deliciously" box. 

This post was in no way brought to you by The Wicked Library, but you should subscribe to them anyway.  The latest installment includes a traditional tale of Christmas terror brought to one deserving soul by Krampus himself, not to mention a great little story about some of those lesser known (in the U. S.) Christmas characters, such as the Jólakötturinn and the Yule Lads.

Feliz Navidad, bitches.

Star Trek Mission Crate

Okay, let's start with...

Star Trek Mission Crate Order Confirmed

Qapla’!

You have successfully ordered the Star Trek Mission Crate! Tracking emails for the crate will go out when it ships at the end of November 2017. Your crates will be beamed to you between the 1st and 10th of December.

Reminder: as this is a bi-monthly, recurring subscription, it will automatically renew unless you cancel or the Borg finally assimilate Earth (see below for more details). 

 I found my crate today when I got home for work.  Or did I?  Confusion from the word go.

Uhhhhhh....

Right off the bat this wasn't what I was expecting.  I chalked it up to printing issues or something and went ahead and cracked this guy open.  I would continue to be confused and...mostly confused.  Yeah.

I know it's hard to tell but that pin was a Loot Crate exclusive from last year's "Futuristic" campaign.  I didn't get that particular crate but I do have that pin, which I picked up on eBay.  The socks were also a throwback, but at least I didn't already own them.  I like socks.  Ok, I'm down with the socks.

What you probably can't see in this picture is the sweat inside of the packaging.  That would be the fragrance condensation because this air freshener is TWO YEARS OLD!!!!  I mean, I'm still going to put it in my car, assuming it hasn't become weird or toxic, but what is going on guys?!?

Alright, this was actually kind of neat, but it's from last year again.  At this point this box was beginning to feel like one of the last Horror Blocks from earlier this summer.  Just a box of stuff that was thrown together at the last minute.  At least it was all indeed Star Trek themed, but by now I was becoming alarmed.

This was the only item that was from this year, though I don't know if it was from yet another previous crate.  Needless to say I was incredibly confused because I was expecting this:

NONE OF THIS HAPPENED!!! This crate was due between December 1 and December 10, and today on December 15 I am over here like:

So I did what I did best and basically stalked Loot Crate and this particular crate and found out that this isn't the Mission Crate at all!!!  If there had been an update or email, I either hadn't received it or simply don't remember.  It's just as likely that I'd forget something like this, but somehow I think I would remember the things keeping me away from my sweet sweet Jean Luc.  So I went looking for answers.

 So here I sit, still waiting.  Exhausted from a roller coaster ride of emotions.  I'm still confused, but I'm back to my default level of confusion.  I have two LLAP pins.  I'm considering giving it to my fiance but if we're being real here, it's not like I don't not need two pins. I don't even know if that's grammatically correct.  I've been drinking eggnog with sherry and Rumchata.  What I'm trying to say is that I have one for display and one to put on my Federation uniform messenger bag.  Like the sexy bitch that I am.  

Sorry there's no links.  It's nothing short of miraculous that I got the pictures uploaded.  I'm not trying to find where my links are supposed to go, let alone make sure that I'm using the correct links to begin with.  There's Star Trek parody porn and I'm the kind of asshole who not only has it bookmarked but would accidentally link it in a review of a box full of actual innocent toys.  

Google it.  The Crate, not the porn.  Or Google the porn.  I'm not here to judge.  I'm certainly not in a position to do so.  

Live long and prosper.

Winter Wonderland

Winter is coming...no, literally.  Like, in a couple of weeks.  And I am all set with my Witchbaby Soap Spell Box for Winter 2017/2018.

Get naked.  Do witchcraft.

I've never been disappointed in a Witchbaby box, and this time is no exception.  Even on occasions where a body butter scent wasn't up my alley I couldn't say that it was a bad product.  Everything I've ever gotten from Witchbaby has been a quality product, and when it does happen that I don't care for a scent (too floral, not spicy enough, whatever) I have sisters and nieces and girlfriends who are all just as into this brand as I am.  Typically this works out great because my sisters and I have very strong signature scents, so right away I know which items are a good fit for which sister.

In this box I didn't get a butter, which is fine because I have a TON.  What I did get was a Candy Quartz body scrub, which is soooo good!  The Candy Quartz body butter had been included in the spring (?) Spell Box and I would have been happy to drown in that stuff.  I'm super stoked to see this scent as a body scrub, and I look forward to not being poor anymore so I can order more butter.

What was unusual was the inclusion of a New Moon bath bomb.  It's typical for there to be a bath bomb for every full moon in a quarter, and two of those are in January which is why there's a Blue Moon bomb.  I'm kind of stoked for the extra fizzies, and this winter I have three (plus a total lunar eclipse) to choose from.

This is the second time there's been a pin in a Spell Box, and I love pins.  I'm a little bit of a pin hoarder, if I'm being honest, and this one is really cool.  I also dug the assortment of candles with anointing oil.  I have the unique gift of coming into weird things I need just when I need them, and it was getting to be about that time to find some candles.  It's not a particularly big deal to head into Kent to find some or even order them online, but things have a way of falling into my lap and I appreciate that.  Thanks universe!

The Fairy Milk is very pretty and smells nice, but once again I don't have much call for shimmery oils.  Normally I'd look to include it in a gift but this one smells nice enough that I'm contemplating ways I can use it after all.  I may decide to attempt to make a small batch of body butter so that it's in a more manageable form for me.  Maybe.  Honestly, there's a reason why I throw my money at all of these small businesses: They know what they're doing and they do it well.  We'll see what happens.

(spoiler: probably nothing good)
 

In addition to Witchbaby, which came in a week or so ago, I also got my November Creeper Crate.  This one came a couple days late, but only just a couple.  I've noticed that Jamie has been having a few vendor issues with this and her Nightmare Before Christmas Crate (which I didn't order), so I'm not overly upset about it.  It's not like other subscriptions I've had that basically dicked their customers over before finally folding.  But I wasn't as stoked about this crate as I was about the Sam one.  In retrospect I probably should have skipped this one because, contrary to my reading habits as a teenager, I'm not actually that into vampires.  I'm sure it's just in my head but it feels, to me, like vampires are a girl's obsession and I'm a grown ass lady who prefers my horror to be less romantic and more "I should probably seek therapy."

Having said that, I still dig the t-shirt.  It doesn't scream "vampire" to me as much as "Rocky Horror Picture Show," so I'm just going to pretend that that was the intention.

But we can't get too dirty because there is included in this crate a blood orange scented soap from Sick Soaps!

I couldn't get a good sniff through the plastic, and I'm disinclined to open it before I'm ready to use it, but I like blood orange and fully expect it to smell good. 

Next came a sticker.

It didn't do a lot for me.  It's a well made sticker, with no smears or runs, but...like I said, were I a smarter woman I would have just passed on this crate.  Waited it out until December's Krampus.  Still, I like Near Dark and I like stickers so it'll join the others on my mirror.

Demonic Pinfestation is a pretty regular part of the Creeper Crate lineup, and I love it.  I have a confession to make.  I frequently want to buy pins from Demonic Pinfestation but I'm somewhat intimidated by their work.  I get like that sometimes, where something is almost too good for me to buy.  Like maybe I don't deserve it?  I dunno.  Either way I can now add a Lilith pin (Tales From The Crypt: Bordello of Blood, for those who may not know) to my growing collection from this company. 

Ok.  I like Fright Night.  I haven't had a chance to see the 2011 version because I'm lazy and forget to do things, but I hear that it was pretty good.  While I'm reserving judgment, I'm willing to bet it's not terrible. 

I don't like this post card.  I like that it's a post card, don't get me wrong!  I just...

I just don't collect a lot of vampire things!  I mean, I collect some but it's often more of the campy variety.  I will never meet my dark prince and be whisked away into a blood and sex drenched endless night because I need to scrub out my bathtub and make dinner.  And I'm cool with that.

t

Can we speed this up?  I want to make it to the preschool pickup line early.

I won't be reviewing Magick and Macabre's December Horned God box because I'm broke.  I've taken on more financial hardship this month than the typical holiday spend-fest and I've had to suspend most - if not all - of my subscriptions.  I'd be more bummed but the nice thing about Magick and Macabre is that you can still order a box after it's subscription date.  You may end up spending a bit more, depending on what was in it, but if it turns out I truly feel like I missed out on something I will still have an opportunity to get it.  I'll also be missing out on January's Creeper Crate, for the same reason, but similarly may be able to get this crate later if there are extras after its subscription run.  I've already paid for Krampus earlier last month, so I'll still have something to look forward to this month.

Until then!